Living will kill you. Guaranteed. Email, texting, blogging, MySpace, Facebook, Corpse Space the new technologies that were supposed to make our lives easier have increased our workloads to 24/7. I don’t know about you but I’m freakin’ exhausted. All this convenience is killing us making death seem more and more appealing as life flushes down the drain. Maybe that’s what life’s supposed to do make you wish for an eternal nap.
The weekend is now the workend. Life was better before these maddening modes of communication. True, we can communicate faster but so-fucking-what? Do you really want your boss to text you at midnight and expect an answer back? Fuck him! you’re off the clock! And what happened to a nice drive in the car listening to the radio? Now we are on our friggin’ BlackBerrys and cell phones, with a cockroach attached to our ear, as we swerve off the embankment.
So say “adios” to technology and sit back with a copy of Girls and Corpses and have a good laugh, or a crap, preferably at the same time, as you shit your pants. Because while print magazines are closing shop like Humvee dealers and going to web-only publications, we’re swimming against the tide to be low-tech. That’s why you can’t read Girls and Corpses on the web anymore (just our back issues). We want you to be able to take a dump with something other than your dick in your hand. Consider it low-tech Smell-O-Rama, as you gawk at photos of corpses in our magazine.
So, we are here to warn you future corpses to slow-thefuck-down (or STFD) turn off the friggin’ computer and read from this ancient papyrus know as “paper” or you could wind up on the cover of our next issue.
You might have read in our last issue the tragically true story of my business partner who was killed earlier this year by a grizzly bear. Stephan was a perfect example of someone who needed to STFD. He was moving a hundred miles an hour: wife, kids, several jobs and sleeping in the office. He was moving so fast he didn’t have time to gaze out the window at the beautiful scenery as his life sped past. I’m sure if Stephan were alive he would tell you to all SLFD too and enjoy what you have and not try to have it all.
The cruelest joke about death is that life continues to go on after we’re gone. Or does it? If life is perceived through our consciousness and we cease to exist, doesn’t all life cease to exist as well? Ponder this over your Starbutts Corpsacchino.
Anyhow, we have another good-and-deady issue with our Corpse Pilates cover girls the Princess of Scream Tiffany Shepis (that’s her lovely bum on our back cover) and her Pilates partner Kimberly Kane the Princess of Cream. We are packing this issue, like a mass grave, with more putrid photos than ever, including: From Here to Eternity and The Putrid Family.
We are also very proud to honor Forest J. Ackerman on the 50th anniversary of Famous Monsters of Filmland Magazine with an exclusive interview. There would not be Girls and Corpses Magazine without Forry, who created horror magazines. He started it all and we owe this publishing monster a great debt of gratitude. We plan to place this issue in his hands at his 92nd birthday party on November 24.
So, corpses, please SLFD and turn off your bloody cell phones and BlackBerrys and relish this freshly rotting issue of Girls and Corpses Magazine.
Girls and Corpses will change your death. Who knows, maybe someday we will win the Nobel Rest-in-Peace Prize?
We’re DEAD-ICATING this issue of GIRLS and CORPSES Magazine to Forest J. Ackerman.
Forey ... this pun’s for you!
©2008 (reprinted only with permission of author)