"By sixteen I was a junkie and cleaned up by eighteen. At nineteen I was a pro-domme" - Kimberly Warner-Cohen

G&C: Hi Kimberly - Welcome to Girls and Corpses Magazine. There are so many questions our readers would like to know about your world of domination and submission. Do I call you Miss?... Mistress?... Or, do I just shut up, drop to my knees and obey?

KC: Did I give you permission to speak?

G&C: What did you have for breakfast?

KC: The hipster who bumped into my drink last night. Oh, I mean, coffee and a smoke.

G&C: Do you like your eggs whipped or beaten? How about yourself?

KC: I like my eggs unfertilized. As for me, I want what any girl wants - to be dipped in food coloring and hidden under a bush, only to be discovered Easter morning by a curious child or a big pink rabbit.

G&C: Sunnyside up or over easy?

KC: Enough with the eggs!

G&C: Hey... it's almost Easter, ya know! Continuing...Straight or bi?

KC: You know what I love about girls?

G&C: No, but please tell us in great detail.

KC: They would come up with a better segway between eggs and lesbianism. Then they would let me grab their hair and push their head firmly into my crotch as they lap away at me until I'm satisfied.

G&C: Good girl or bad slut? Or, did you just anwer that?

KC: I'm very good at being very bad.

G&C: Dick or Bush?

KC: Presidentially speaking- neither.

G&C: Finger or vibrator?

KC: Finger! Getting caught with ten vibrators is embarrassing!

G&C: So, do you just keep nine? Continuing... Strap-on or strap-off?

KC: Strap-on! There's no feeling in the world like getting paid to fuck a businessman up the ass.

G&C: Just ask Martha Stewart, right?

Feather or fist?

KC: They can be equally as devastating.

G&C: Whip or cane?

KC: Depends - "Cool" or "Co?"

G&C: Don't worry, we're getting to the Depends.

Piss or scat?

KC: Piss - I want to be able to write my name on you.

G&C: I hope you never have to write me a check.

Spit or vomit?

KC: Spit

G&C: Creamy or chunky?

KC: Are we talking about peanut butter or vomit here?

G&C: Does it really matter? Where did you receive your training to be a dominatrix?

KC: It was all on the job, though I'd had experience with S&M before working in a dungeon.

G&C: And here I was thining it was The Learning Annex.

Did you have to turn tricks on the street for drugs when you were sixteen? Is that how you got started in the sex trade?

KC: No. That's for people who have nothing left to trade on and have no other skills.

G&C: Sort of like us.

KC: My mind was always the sharpest on the block and I was always able to utilize it to get what I needed. I never lost control of any part of me. As bad as it ever got, I never went beyond those boundaries that I'd established for myself at any given moment. If I did that, I knew I'd eventually lose.

G&C: How did you wind up on the street? How did you clean up your act?

KC: I found Jesus. A nice Spanish fellow - we met in detox.

G&C: So, how old were you when you had your first customer? What was that like? Or, was it Father Molster or Uncle Phil?

KC: I started working as a prodomme at nineteen. I was a little nervous, but realized quickly that its only playing a role in whatever masochistic fantasy the client has; and started really having fun with it.

G&C: Like riding a bicycle, huh? What's it like to have someone beg you for pleasure?

www.sickcom.com

KC: Empowering, of course.

G&C: What was your speciality? What are you known for? Can you shoot a ping-pong ball twenty feet and smoke a camel, literally?

KC: I would tie men up and make them listen to my Gilbert Gottfried impression for hours on end. Was, I'm no longer in the industry. Its very hard to specialize in any one thing- any decent dominatrix is able to adapt to whatever iteration of a session the client requests.

G&C: Gilbert Godfried? You are a cruel cruel woman.

What other "tools' do you use. Whips? Clips? Chains? Tire irons? Screwdrivers? Michael Bolton CD's?

KC: I make them sign up to AOL.

G&C: A funny dominatrix, huh? You would have been a lot a laughs at the Al Qaeda torture camps. By the way, speaking of torture... What's "dildo training"? Do I want to know?

KC: The polite way of asking for a dildo up the ass.

G&C: Sort of like pardon me... can you pass the Grey Poop-on?

So, what are some of the codes for some of the things you would do in your profession:

KC: S/M (sadism and masochism)
B&D (bondage and dominance)
GS (golden shower)
CBT (cock and ball torture)
DT (dildo training)
B/D (bondage and discipline

G&C: We have some other you missed in on our corpse fetishes list of this issue. (not to be missed). So, you must be bored by straight sex.

KC: What is straight sex?

G&C: Republican. Or, what Martha Stewart does with an eggplant.

KC: Sex that is boring, no? It's not the act that makes it boring or exciting, it's whether or not you want to be there. I only have sex if I want to be there.

G&C: I'll bring the eggplant. Were you abused as a child?

KC: Does having a Jewish mother count?

G&C: Yea, sister, I know from whence you speak.

Did you abuse others as a child?

KC: I don't know... what's the statute of limitations on that?

G&C: I think you're safe. How do men contact you to be a dominatrix? Did you work privately or for a company?

KC: I prefer that they shine a big light in the sky with a bat symbol.

G&C: Is that a baseball bat?

Do you ever work large bondage parties or just one-on-one?

KC: I'm thinking about doing Bar-Mitzvahs in the near future.

G&C: How about a bris? What are the three strangest requests you have been asked to do?

KC: Being asked to slam a guy's dick in a door; the client who was Jewish but wanted me to insult Italians while beating him; and of course, the client who wanted me to pretend to pull his teeth.

G&C: So, tell us about "dick in the door" guy. It's what I'll name this interview.

KC: He'd come in once every few weeks for a half hour and wanted his dick slammed in the door to the session room, starting off very softly, and building up while insulting him the whole time. He tipped well.

G&C: What won't you do on the job?

KC: Chew Tobacco

G&C: Then I'm out. What do you want to do but have never done?

KC: Visit Ravenna and see where Dante wrote The Inferno.

G&C: Do they let you have sex in there?

Is there anything that we don't know abouy the life of a Pro-Domme that we haven't asked but your would like to tell us?

KC: Tell you? What fun would that be?!

G&C: What's if I was begging you?

Well, Kimberly, it's been brutal, just the way I like it. Let's get together sometime and you can make me laugh unitl I bleed -- then I can pay you a hundred bucks and go back to my wife.

KC: [akward silence]

G&C: Well... um... thanks for the beating... um... meeting... Kimberly. I mean... th.... th... thank you m... m... mistress.

End

Kimberly Warner-Cohen's website